Life totally handed me a lemon last Wednesday. I woke up at 6 am and immediately bolted to the bathroom. I knew I wasn't going in to work that day. Hell, I don't think I would have made it from Napanee to Kingston without needing to drop my drawers in a ditch somewhere. And I'm really not into that, so I stayed home, chained to the toilet for two days. By the end of day 2, I cringed every time my stomach gurgled, knowing that another wave of cramps was coming, and with it, the inevitable trip to the bathroom. By this point, it was a literal pain in the ass. Is this too much information? Probably, but what the fuck. Everybody poops.
Anyway, I'm not a happy camper. I tried this, I tried that, I tried bland food, I tried over the counter anti-diarrhea medication (several doses) and nothing was working. The only thing that didn't trigger another trip to the bathroom was to simply not eat.
So starting last Friday, I stopped eating. I dusted off my juicer and found the citrus press. I wasn't confident enough to stray far from the house, so I got my son to go to the store for me to buy a stash of fruits and veggies and some peppermint and chamomile tea. I got a bag of carrots, celery, some spinach, a beet, ginger, pineapple and oranges. I figured a temporary juice fast would be just the thing. After all, the hard part is done; with the stomach bug wreaking havoc in my gut, my digestive tract was completely empty. Time to starve the little fuckers out.
So starting last Friday, I stopped eating. I dusted off my juicer and found the citrus press. I wasn't confident enough to stray far from the house, so I got my son to go to the store for me to buy a stash of fruits and veggies and some peppermint and chamomile tea. I got a bag of carrots, celery, some spinach, a beet, ginger, pineapple and oranges. I figured a temporary juice fast would be just the thing. After all, the hard part is done; with the stomach bug wreaking havoc in my gut, my digestive tract was completely empty. Time to starve the little fuckers out.
The last time I did a juice fast, I drank way too much fruit juice and nowhere near enough greens. I was determined to not make the same mistake this time, so I stuffed the juicer hopper full of spinach. The orange and pineapple gave it some sweetness and the ginger really gave it a nice zing. The beet juice did nothing for me. Nothing. I hate beets. They taste like bloody dirt. But they sure make for a pretty red colour. Except in this case: the blend of red and green juices just looked like mud in a cup. But it tasted pretty good. Not bad at all.
I also gave up my coffee and black tea. Clear fluids only. If I drank anything caffeinated it would be clear green tea. Instead, I started drinking lots of plain chamomile-peppermint tea. It tastes fantastic and the tea is so warm and soothing.
Day one (Friday) was a breeze. Saturday, not so easy. The hunger pains were setting in pretty good. At this point, my juice fast was just a means to an end: I needed to stop pooping. That goal seemed to be met now, so by Sunday, I was starting to cave. My husband and I had gone to the butcher to pick up the side of beef that we had bought to stuff in the freezer. He's been really supportive through this whole thing. He didn't want to have me cook dinner, so he picked up some roasted potatoes and BBQ ribs from the deli.
"Do you think you want to try to eat something?" he asked. I knew the ribs were out of the question - too heavy and dead. So I ate three pieces of potato. They were delicious. Later that night, not wanting to push my luck, I quelled the hunger pains with four soda crackers and a glass of water, then went to bed at about 6:30 pm. I was nervous about going back to work the next day. I was feeling better, but had no idea if the whole thing would start up again. The potatoes and soda crackers were an experiment that could have backfired horribly. The kind of bathroom experiences I'd been having were not exactly something that my coworkers would appreciate going on in the stall next to them. Not polite to bring to work, know what I mean?
Anyway, Monday rolls around and I make my juice and a cup of herbal tea to take with me. My coworkers were concerned, but so far, my energy levels during the day have been pretty good. I got through the work day at a good steady pace, even getting the backlog of work done that had piled up while I was away. I managed to get an appointment with my family doctor, who told me it's just a bug, and to suck it up. She recommended picking up some probiotics, so I went across the street to the health food store and picked some up. I bought Natural Factors Critical Care Probiotic, with 100 billion critters per capsule, and 9 different bacterial strains. I figured this would be a good idea since my son was also suffering with gastrointestinal problems. He's 18, probably 6'1" and has a solid build. In the past two months his weight has dropped from 235 lbs to 190 lbs because of chronic nausea. I figured populating his gut with friendly bacteria could only help. He says they seem to be helping.
I got up Tuesday and just did the same thing as the day before. Tuesday night was my near breaking point. I just wanted to chew something!! The desire to eat was unbelievable. At that point, I wasn't sure - and still not sure now - why I was continuing this fast. My husband said, "You should just continue with it. You've been talking about doing this for a long time. It would be a shame to quit now." So I chose to not eat, regardless of the temper tantrum.
Wednesday was definitely easier. Almost as easy as the first day. It was almost like I had to get the fit out of my system.
"You're still not eating??" exclaimed my coworker, Jennie. "Holy. That's not good for you. You're going to make yourself sick." Laura and Lesley chimed in to agree with her. Dale finally said, "Maybe she's doing it for religious reasons. Leave her alone." I think if they continue to be negative about it, I'll have to use the religion card. It is for spiritual reasons, too. I do feel more centred and balanced. I like the new perspective. I have found myself being more reflective and introspective. My thinking is clearer.
Thursday was the big test: my organization's annual holiday luncheon. This was a catered event and it was really spectacular. There were three huge tables heaped with all sorts of delicious food. I drank my orange and cranberry juice (canned juice from the bar) on ice with a slice of lime and a straw while everyone else ate. I just tried to enjoy the smells, the sights, and the company. It was actually easier than I thought it would be. After running that gauntlet, I think any future cravings will be relatively easy to handle.
The difference between failure and success with this, I have found so far, is very, very simple: just don't eat. Just don't do it. And quit feeling sorry for yourself. You are doing this by choice - YOUR choice - and it is temporary. Your body will throw a temper tantrum that would put a 2-year-old to shame and hit you with cravings like you've never had before. And still, just don't eat. Ride it out, watch it happen, feel it, but whatever you do, do not pick up that piece of food and put it in your mouth.
I have found that this is very much like a parent-child relationship between me and my body. Left to its own devices, it would eat nothing but comfort food, sit on its ass all day, and never challenge itself. When I challenge it like this, it throws a fit, but I'm not doing it because I hate my body. I'm trying to care for it. I'm trying to give it a gift, even if it thinks otherwise. Most importantly, I have found so far that I am a much better listener than I used to be. If you're not picking up on the body's subtle cues, and not intuitively listening to that voice that tells you what it needs, you will probably hurt yourself.
So this has become something of an experiment. Instead of setting myself up for failure by saying I have to do 30 days or nothing, I'm just taking this day by day and seeing how far my body wants me to go with it. So far, it's been pretty good. I hope it will last as long as 30 or maybe even 40-60 days. I was 214 lbs last Wednesday. This morning I weighed 201.5. Not bad for a week. Yes, I know it will come right back if I start eating shitty food again. That's part of the incentive to not eat. I think I would like to continue doing this until I lose most of the weight I need to lose...or until my body tells me otherwise. That's about 70 lbs that needs to go. I've lost 12.5 so far this past week. I know that won't be consistent, but I expect by the end of the month I'll be down a good 25-30 lbs.
The one thing that really blows about this is the timing. It's fucking December. It means I'm going to miss out on all the good food! But the voice in me says, "What, like you've never eaten turkey before? Or stuffing? Or chocolate cake? All that food will be right there waiting when you get done, and you'll get to choose to eat it or not." I have already decided that I will take that bottle of really good vintage wine that I have been saving, back to Mom's place for dinner. I will drink some wine. In fact, I'm hoping that by the time Christmas dinner rolls around, I'll have to buy a new outfit because the old ones will be getting a little baggy. :)
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