Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs with Kale and Red Pepper

Upon breaking my fast, I wanted some good hearty protein, but also wanted to keep on my veggie kick.  So I made this:

2 eggs, beaten
salt and pepper

1/4 -1/2 a sweet red pepper, chopped
1 large kale leaf, chopped
1 tsp. coconut oil
1 tsp. basil pesto

Heat the extra virgin coconut oil in a skillet, toss in the red pepper (allow to saute for a minute or two), and then the kale.  Saute until tender, then add the pesto, stirring to coat.  Now add the egg and scramble all together until the egg is cooked through.  The pesto tends to make it stick to the pan, but it tastes great.

This takes less than 5 minutes to make, is loaded with veggies, and is packed with flavour and hunger-satisfying protein.

Day 17 - The End...of Fasting at least

I think I'm going to break my fast today.  Carefully.  Thoughtfully.  The way I know I can, because I feel I have accomplished what I set out to accomplish.  This was not primarily for weight loss; it was a nice side effect.  The main purpose of this was to prove to myself that food is not the boss of me.  I have survived several food-oriented celebrations amid criticism and assorted nay-saying, and I came out the other side still fasting, only making minor compromises: I had canned fruit juice, because that's what they had.  And I had a glass of red wine (technically it's fruit juice) that I sipped all afternoon.  Otherwise, I feel good about how I handled myself.

The only thing I'm struggling with here is my ego.  The more they tell me how unhealthy this is, how dangerous, how bizarre or extreme, the more they scoff, roll their eyes and shake their heads, the more determined I am to stick with it and prove their asses wrong.  The thing is, I know I can handle doing 30 days; I'm over halfway now, and I feel fine.  But my body is giving me some feedback: it's bored.  Enough already, it says, I get it, I get it.  I'm not frantically craving food, I'm just wanting to get on with feeding myself sensibly with good quality, fresh, whole food.  I want to return to normal.  This does not feel like it's in response to a craving or deficiency; it just feels like my body has done what it needs to do and it's ready.  The cat sits when it wants to sit, and it get's up when it's done sitting.  Same thing.  No rhyme or reason, it just is.

I can expect to probably gain 5-10 lbs back once I start eating, but I think my metabolism has stalled.

Day 17 - Starting to cheat...I think

The salt water flush was a total bomb.  Didn't work.  Guzzled a quart of salt water and it didn't...flush.  So I ended up with a half a tablespoon of salt in my gut.  Great.  But it didn't have any detrimental effects; I must have needed some salt.  Not much to be had in juice.

I've been almost talked into quitting a couple of times.  Jody has been my rock.  Both times he's talked me into continuing.  He said, "You know what your problem is?  Do you want to hear it?" Sure, I said.  "It's that you're making the same mistake that everyone makes when they're doing this fasting thing: they quit too soon before they change their eating habits.  Then they quit and start overeating and gain back everything they lost, and then some because their bodies are geared to starvation."  So I continued.

I have started adding some soup broth to my lunch or dinner.  Not clear broth, mind you, but from soups like minestrone or beef barley with the solid stuff strained out.  I think it's probably cheating though.  I'm pretty sure it is.  But I've been pretty good otherwise.  I did have a glass of wine at my office party the other day, and I drank about three Jack & coke's last night.  That was a mistake.  One thing I've noticed is that I've gotten much more sensitive to toxic shit.  Aspartame?  Caramel colouring?  Oh yeah, and let's not forget the alcohol.  Didn't sit very well.  I feel it a bit this morning.  Dehydrated.  Haven't had my juice yet; just a black coffee with some stevia, honey and salt.

My juice has been on the sweet side, too.  I haven't been losing much weight.  I'm still at about 197.5 at best.  Not sure what the fuck is going on with that.  How the hell can I not eat anything, and still not lose weight?  The only difference I've seen is that my belly is flatter, I feel slimmer, and my system feels clean.  That's a definite plus.

Day 13: Salt Water Flush #2...hehe...#2

The internet is a strange place.  Who would've thought anyone would be publicly discussing their bathroom habits?  But this is, hopefully, for the greater good.  My coworker, Jennie, felt compelled to ask me, "So...what do you do for fibre...or whatever?  How does that work?"  I had to explain to her that the point of this whole exercise is to shut down the digestive system...so everything just...stops.  She and Lori looked at me, incredulous.

"That can't be good for you." said Lori, a sentiment that has been echoed by pretty much everyone in the office.  Only Dale has refrained from chastising me about it, telling everyone to mind their own business.  I don't mind answering questions, but I wish they would believe me when I tell them that I take my health seriously, I'm listening to my body, and I will break my fast if I feel my health is starting to decline.

Anyway, I explained - as briefly and delicately as possible - the ins and outs of salt water flushing, what it entailed, and why I need to do it.

"You do that every day??"  Jennie asked.  I explained that I'm supposed to, but ain't nobody got time for that.  You need at least a couple of hours where you don't have to be anywhere...except near a bathroom.  I like to think I have a life.  (Shaking my head)  I'm still flabbergasted that my bathroom habits have become fodder for public speculation.

Anyway, here I sit, trying to choke down another cup of warm salt water.  Chicken soup.  It's just chicken soup.  As I do so, I'll recount today's adventures.  Made my morning mojito, then another batch of juice for lunch (which wasn't as good as I hoped).  Lunch was kale, clementine orange, pineapple, carrot and cucumber.  I think it was maybe the carrot that fucked up the taste.  It smelled somewhere between perm solution and a fart (probably the kale).  Anyway, it wasn't the best combination.  Maybe I need to ad some lemon to it.  Lemon seems to be to juice what cheese is to any culinary screw-up: it seems to cover/fix anything.

I was extremely tired today.  I had to resort to a 5-Hour-Energy shot to get through from noon to 4:30.  I think that's technically cheating, but whatever.  It's clear liquid, it's full of B vitamins and it was all about survival today.  The real problem is that I'm not sleeping enough.  My body's doing its best, but it needs the down-time to get shit done.  As soon as this salt water percolates through my system, I'm going to take a shot of juice and hit the sack.  On a positive note, my water intake is way up today thanks to my new collection of herbal teas.  Celestial Seasonings puts out the best freaking tea on the planet.  I am in love with their Sugar Plum Spice tea and I need to stock up.

Okay, shitty salt water solution has been imbibed.  Gross.  Let the fireworks begin.

Weighed myself this afternoon: 198.5!  I've hit the wall it seems, which is probably why my body has been screaming for carby, fatty, sweet comfort food.  It's saying, "Awwww, do I really have to use my fat?  (whine)"  Yes.  Yes you do.  This is why you packed all that shit around your belly.  So use it and lose it.  You don't need it any more.

Day 12 - Back up to 201, and wicked bad cravings

Today I'm feeling somewhat discouraged.  My weight seems to have plateaued and I'm not happy about it.  I've been really tired - no, not tired - bored with not eating.  I'm watching people eating their bagels and cream cheese, their pasta, their chicken nuggets and fries... and I'm drooling.  My stomach is growling just thinking about it.  The cravings today are really awful.

Went to the store to stock up on kale and mint.  The juice I had this morning had too much lemon, and no mint.  Wah.  Yuck.  But I choked it down.  Tomorrow, I plan to make a really big bunch of juice so I have enough for breakfast, and some left over for lunch.

I'm also going to take my new herbal teas with me: Celestial Seasonings Limited Edition Holiday Herbal Tea Collection in Candy Cane Lane, Gingerbread Spice, and my absolute favorite, Sugar Plum Spice.  You need NOTHING in this tea, it tastes that good.  I swear it's got sugar in it, but it doesn't list it on the label.  It's just the blend of spices.  I'm on my third cup, and I have to pee again.  But that's a good thing; I haven't been drinking enough water.  I also haven't been getting enough sleep, which probably explains why my weight went back up.

Stubborn freaking body.  That's probably what it's griping about, craving all those carbs and fat.  It's out of sugar and wants a cookie.  Well tough shit.  If you're hungry, go scavenge some fat cells.  That's what they're there for.  That's enough of the bellyaching.

Day 11 - 199.5 lbs!

Weighed myself this morning and did my happy dance naked in the bathroom.  For the first time in maybe 5 years, the scale numbers started with a 1.  I was even preening in front of the mirror a bit, too.  It's been a helluva long time since I smiled at what I saw in the mirror.

This morning's breakfast was my usual awesome green juice:

1 1/2 - 2 cups chopped kale
2-3 sprigs of mint
1/2 lemon
1 lime
1/3 cucumber
1 apple
Piece of ginger

It tastes like a healthy mojito.  Even my daughter liked it, although she said she'd prefer some alcohol in it.  Of course.

This kicked me right in the ass this morning and I was ready to take on the world.  I have been feeling really good so far, with a few short intervals of suck.  But by noon, my ass was dragging.  The calories had worn off and my blood sugar dropped, leaving me feeling sleepy and with low energy.

I ate a pomegranate for lunch.  And by "ate", I mean I munched the pims, drank the juice, and spit out the pulp and seeds.  It was delicious.  And I got to actually chew something.

I grabbed a coffee and bagel for Jod on the way home for a snack, and a pumpkin spice tea at Timmies.  By the way, pumpkin spice tea tastes like shit.  I should have probably known, spices or no, squash-flavoured tea would probably be gross.

Anyway, got home and made something a little different.  Not sure if I'll try it again as it didn't seem to settle very well.  But for anyone who doesn't care if no one will come within 10 feet of you for the garlic smell, here's the recipe:

1 tomato
1 celery stalk
1 large carrot
1/3 large sweet potato, peeled
1/2 sweet red pepper
1 cup chopped kale (approx. 2 leaves?)
2 sprigs dill
2 sprigs basil
1 lemon
1 small clove fresh garlic

I think the secret to making really good-tasting V-8-type juice is the lemon.  It gives everything some zip and seems to ground the flavour.  Gives it body.  This juice has a very potent taste, but it's not unpleasant.  I'm not a huge veggie fan, so if you like V-8, you might like this.

I hope tomorrow brings more lost pounds.  I'm not holding my breath, however; I haven't been drinking near enough water.  I guess I should remedy that and get my butt to bed.

Day 10: My First Salt Water Flush (a little graphic)

Yesterday morning, I scrubbed out the tub and filled it up with some nice espsom-salty hot water with a few drops of lavender.  Soaking in the salt bath must have jolted my system into detox mode or something.  I felt like crap for most of the day.  Headache, sore neck, fatigue and just feeling...blah.  My gut didn't feel right, either.  By 5:30 pm, I was exhausted and went to bed.  I woke up at about 3:20 am, still not feeling right.  I knew it was time.  Time for the salt water flush.

This is probably the least glamorous part of juice fasting.  Even though you're putting very little solid food in there, there is some waste, and of course your intestines are still doing their job dumping the body's metabolic waste at the curb.  Typically this crap gets ushered out with regular bowel movements, but since I haven't had one in, oh, about a week, it's still in there gumming up the works.  So, with some trepidation, I filled a large cup with about half a litre of water, nuked it for 30 seconds to get it lukewarm, and dissolved a little over half a tablespoon of sea salt in it.  It took me about 5 minutes to get it down.  Just keep telling yourself it tastes like chicken soup without the chicken flavour.

Then it was just a waiting game.  It was probably a little over an hour before everything gurgled through my system.  It wasn't too bad.  It probably took me an hour or so, and 3 or 4 trips to the bathroom to get rid of it all, but it worked like a charm.  Don't want to get too graphic here, but there was very little solid waste, mostly (what seemed to be) stagnated bile.  Gross.  Better out than in as they say.  No wonder I felt like hell.  I'll have to do another one tonight.

I noticed my skin looks clearer and fresher today.  That is a really nice change.  I normally look dragged out, pale and..."doughy".  I've also noticed that the plaque doesn't build up much on my teeth at all.  There's a little there, but nothing like when I'm eating sugary or starchy foods.  I guess the juice clears the mouth pretty quickly so it doesn't have a chance to feed plaque-producing bacteria.  And I usually follow it up with something like clear tea, which has nothing in it.

Well, I'm off to do the grocery shopping.  Got to pick up a bunch of starchy, heavy, calorie-laden foods for my son, who needs to pack some weight back on, and some more veggies for me.

Turning Lemons Into Lemonade: Juice Fasting Under Duress

When I suck my gut in, the water in the tub this morning actually covered my stomach.  I'm down 12 1/2 lbs since last Wednesday (10 days ago).  This little journey I'm on didn't start out well, but I've decided to see what happens when I try turning it into a positive thing.

Life totally handed me a lemon last Wednesday.  I woke up at 6 am and immediately bolted to the bathroom.  I knew I wasn't going in to work that day.  Hell, I don't think I would have made it from Napanee to Kingston without needing to drop my drawers in a ditch somewhere.  And I'm really not into that, so I stayed home, chained to the toilet for two days.  By the end of day 2, I cringed every time my stomach gurgled, knowing that another wave of cramps was coming, and with it, the inevitable trip to the bathroom.  By this point, it was a literal pain in the ass.  Is this too much information?  Probably, but what the fuck.  Everybody poops.

Anyway, I'm not a happy camper.  I tried this, I tried that, I tried bland food, I tried over the counter anti-diarrhea medication (several doses) and nothing was working.  The only thing that didn't trigger another trip to the bathroom was to simply not eat.

So starting last Friday, I stopped eating.  I dusted off my juicer and found the citrus press.  I wasn't confident enough to stray far from the house, so I got my son to go to the store for me to buy a stash of fruits and veggies and some peppermint and chamomile tea.  I got a bag of carrots, celery, some spinach, a beet, ginger, pineapple and oranges.  I figured a temporary juice fast would be just the thing.  After all, the hard part is done; with the stomach bug wreaking havoc in my gut, my digestive tract was completely empty.  Time to starve the little fuckers out.

The last time I did a juice fast, I drank way too much fruit juice and nowhere near enough greens.  I was determined to not make the same mistake this time, so I stuffed the juicer hopper full of spinach.  The orange and pineapple gave it some sweetness and the ginger really gave it a nice zing.  The beet juice did nothing for me.  Nothing.  I hate beets.  They taste like bloody dirt.  But they sure make for a pretty red colour.  Except in this case: the blend of red and green juices just looked like mud in a cup.  But it tasted pretty good.  Not bad at all. 

I also gave up my coffee and black tea.  Clear fluids only.  If I drank anything caffeinated it would be clear green tea.  Instead, I started drinking lots of plain chamomile-peppermint tea.  It tastes fantastic and the tea is so warm and soothing. 

Day one (Friday) was a breeze.  Saturday, not so easy.  The hunger pains were setting in pretty good.  At this point, my juice fast was just a means to an end: I needed to stop pooping.  That goal seemed to be met now, so by Sunday, I was starting to cave.  My husband and I had gone to the butcher to pick up the side of beef that we had bought to stuff in the freezer.  He's been really supportive through this whole thing.  He didn't want to have me cook dinner, so he picked up some roasted potatoes and BBQ ribs from the deli.  

"Do you think you want to try to eat something?" he asked.  I knew the ribs were out of the question - too heavy and dead.  So I ate three pieces of potato.  They were delicious.  Later that night, not wanting to push my luck, I quelled the hunger pains with four soda crackers and a glass of water, then went to bed at about 6:30 pm.  I was nervous about going back to work the next day.  I was feeling better, but had no idea if the whole thing would start up again.  The potatoes and soda crackers were an experiment that could have backfired horribly.  The kind of bathroom experiences I'd been having were not exactly something that my coworkers would appreciate going on in the stall next to them.  Not polite to bring to work, know what I mean?

Anyway, Monday rolls around and I make my juice and a cup of herbal tea to take with me.  My coworkers were concerned, but so far, my energy levels during the day have been pretty good.  I got through the work day at a good steady pace, even getting the backlog of work done that had piled up while I was away.  I managed to get an appointment with my family doctor, who told me it's just a bug, and to suck it up.  She recommended picking up some probiotics, so I went across the street to the health food store and picked some up.  I bought Natural Factors Critical Care Probiotic, with 100 billion critters per capsule, and 9 different bacterial strains.  I figured this would be a good idea since my son was also suffering with gastrointestinal problems.  He's 18, probably 6'1" and has a solid build.  In the past two months his weight has dropped from 235 lbs to 190 lbs because of chronic nausea.  I figured populating his gut with friendly bacteria could only help.  He says they seem to be helping.

I got up Tuesday and just did the same thing as the day before.  Tuesday night was my near breaking point.  I just wanted to chew something!!  The desire to eat was unbelievable.  At that point, I wasn't sure - and still not sure now - why I was continuing this fast.  My husband said, "You should just continue with it.  You've been talking about doing this for a long time.  It would be a shame to quit now."  So I chose to not eat, regardless of the temper tantrum.

Wednesday was definitely easier.  Almost as easy as the first day.  It was almost like I had to get the fit out of my system. 

"You're still not eating??" exclaimed my coworker, Jennie.  "Holy.  That's not good for you.  You're going to make yourself sick."  Laura and Lesley chimed in to agree with her.  Dale finally said, "Maybe she's doing it for religious reasons.  Leave her alone."  I think if they continue to be negative about it, I'll have to use the religion card.  It is for spiritual reasons, too.  I do feel more centred and balanced.  I like the new perspective.  I have found myself being more reflective and introspective.  My thinking is clearer.

Thursday was the big test: my organization's annual holiday luncheon.  This was a catered event and it was really spectacular.  There were three huge tables heaped with all sorts of delicious food.  I drank my orange and cranberry juice (canned juice from the bar) on ice with a slice of lime and a straw while everyone else ate.  I just tried to enjoy the smells, the sights, and the company.  It was actually easier than I thought it would be.  After running that gauntlet, I think any future cravings will be relatively easy to handle.

The difference between failure and success with this, I have found so far, is very, very simple: just don't eat.  Just don't do it.  And quit feeling sorry for yourself.  You are doing this by choice - YOUR choice - and it is temporary.  Your body will throw a temper tantrum that would put a 2-year-old to shame and hit you with cravings like you've never had before.  And still, just don't eat.  Ride it out, watch it happen, feel it, but whatever you do, do not pick up that piece of food and put it in your mouth.  

I have found that this is very much like a parent-child relationship between me and my body.  Left to its own devices, it would eat nothing but comfort food, sit on its ass all day, and never challenge itself.  When I challenge it like this, it throws a fit, but I'm not doing it because I hate my body.  I'm trying to care for it.  I'm trying to give it a gift, even if it thinks otherwise.  Most importantly, I have found so far that I am a much better listener than I used to be.  If you're not picking up on the body's subtle cues, and not intuitively listening to that voice that tells you what it needs, you will probably hurt yourself.

So this has become something of an experiment.  Instead of setting myself up for failure by saying I have to do 30 days or nothing, I'm just taking this day by day and seeing how far my body wants me to go with it.  So far, it's been pretty good.  I hope it will last as long as 30 or maybe even 40-60 days.  I was 214 lbs last Wednesday.  This morning I weighed 201.5.  Not bad for a week.  Yes, I know it will come right back if I start eating shitty food again.  That's part of the incentive to not eat.  I think I would like to continue doing this until I lose most of the weight I need to lose...or until my body tells me otherwise.  That's about 70 lbs that needs to go.  I've lost 12.5 so far this past week.  I know that won't be consistent, but I expect by the end of the month I'll be down a good 25-30 lbs.

The one thing that really blows about this is the timing.  It's fucking December.  It means I'm going to miss out on all the good food!  But the voice in me says, "What, like you've never eaten turkey before?  Or stuffing?  Or chocolate cake?  All that food will be right there waiting when you get done, and you'll get to choose to eat it or not."  I have already decided that I will take that bottle of really good vintage wine that I have been saving, back to Mom's place for dinner.  I will drink some wine.  In fact, I'm hoping that by the time Christmas dinner rolls around, I'll have to buy a new outfit because the old ones will be getting a little baggy.  :)